Everyone copes with loss and death differently. There are no rules to follow or steps to take. I didn't know what to expect of myself or of Jacob. Neither of us have ever experienced anything as powerful as the death of a child and neither of us knew what we would feel or how we would cope. I feel as though I am in a protective bubble, safe from the pain and sorrow that I know I should be feeling. Maybe some people would call it shock, others might call it denial, but to me it feels like strength; the strength to get up and start each day as though it were a regular day, the strength to take care of my aching post-surgery body, the strength to joke and laugh with my husband, the strength to plan a service for my baby girl. I never thought I would have the strength to sit across a table from a mortician and discuss funeral arrangements as though it were an everyday occurrence. Maybe next week, when I no longer need this strength, it will leave me. However, I know that this strength isn't coming from me. This is a powerful gift from my Father in Heaven. It is an answer to the many prayers offered in our behalf. He may have taken little Julia home to be with him, but he has given me the strength to accept His will. He has blessed us with an overwhelming feeling of love from friends and family members, as well as an abundance of love for each other. I have never felt closer to Jake than I have this week. We each stay busy with different activities to keep ourselves distracted, but we always make time for each other. Jacob has taken care of my stitches, he lifts me into the pickup when we travel, he monitors my medications to make sure I take them, and basically spends his time being the best nurse a person could ask for. I am very lucky.
I am also lucky to have the Gospel in my life. I know, not just believe but KNOW, that my little girl is with her Father in Heaven. I also know that she is part of my eternal family forever. Nothing will ever be able to separate us, especially not death. Her death was not good-bye. It was simply a "until we meet again". She was a very special little girl. I wish everyone could have had the chance to meet her and to feel her amazing spirit. I know I am a biased source, but she was too good for this world. I'm proud to be the mother of such a wonderful person and I can not wait to be with her again. She is my pride and joy, despite her short mortal life.
To honor her sweet life, we have planned a graveside service for immediate family only on Wednesday afternoon. We know that many friends would like to come and show their support, but we feel that her service should be as small and simple as her life was. However, we have also planned an open house for later Wednesday afternoon, and it is open to anyone who is interested in coming. It will be from 3:00 to 5:00 at our house. I am not going to post my address on the internet for obvious reasons, however if someone would like to come and does not know where we live, they can call or e-mail myself or any members of our family, who will gladly give you directions. If you can not reach a member of the family please leave a comment with your e-mail address and I will try to get back to you by Wednesday morning.
I am also lucky to have the Gospel in my life. I know, not just believe but KNOW, that my little girl is with her Father in Heaven. I also know that she is part of my eternal family forever. Nothing will ever be able to separate us, especially not death. Her death was not good-bye. It was simply a "until we meet again". She was a very special little girl. I wish everyone could have had the chance to meet her and to feel her amazing spirit. I know I am a biased source, but she was too good for this world. I'm proud to be the mother of such a wonderful person and I can not wait to be with her again. She is my pride and joy, despite her short mortal life.
To honor her sweet life, we have planned a graveside service for immediate family only on Wednesday afternoon. We know that many friends would like to come and show their support, but we feel that her service should be as small and simple as her life was. However, we have also planned an open house for later Wednesday afternoon, and it is open to anyone who is interested in coming. It will be from 3:00 to 5:00 at our house. I am not going to post my address on the internet for obvious reasons, however if someone would like to come and does not know where we live, they can call or e-mail myself or any members of our family, who will gladly give you directions. If you can not reach a member of the family please leave a comment with your e-mail address and I will try to get back to you by Wednesday morning.
9 comments:
Oh Katie, thanks so much for sharing such a strong and powerful testimony with us! You and Jake are loved and supported by many people. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and sensitive moments with us.
We wish we could be there for you guys. What a beautiful testimony, you are a huge inspiration to me. And your right, she was too pure for this world. A very special little girl indeed.
Oh Katie Rose and Jacob, we are so thankful for the strength that you have been given during this difficult time. Your testimony has been a beacon for so many people including myself. We know that bad things happen to good people, but you are a testiment of the fact that with faith all thing can be endured and the gospel of Jesus Christ is the foundation in which we find strength. We know we will be with Julia again. We love you both and pray you will continue to feel comfort and peace beyond understanding.
Love,
M & D
Katie and Jacob you are amazing. Julia is blessed to have such wonderful, faithful parents. How wonderful the reunion you will have when you meet again. Katie, I wish you a quick recovery. Jacob thanks for taking such good care of Katie. We send our love and prayers for all of you.
I just have to say that you are such an amazing person. I knew you in high school and I always thought that you had alot of faith but this is astounding to me that you are handling this like you are. You and your husband are an inspiration.
Dearest Loved Ones, My Grandson and Granddaughter (in Law), but feel so much closer than just an in law. I have followed closely all the words of Inspiration and Love and Encouragement throughout this whole Story of the pregnancy and birth and now the Wonderful farewell you are giving your daughter, my great granddaughter and you are an amazing couple and Father has certainly blessed our family with the two of you as the parents of Julia! We won't be able to come tomorrow but will be coming for Derek's graduation in another ten days so will go to the gravesite and see where you have put your Beloved Daughter to rest until we get to meet her in Heaven! You are in our prayers and our thoughts Always. In Christ Jesus Love, Grandma Betty and Grandpa Dick
Jacob and Katie
We love you guys so much. Thank you for being such an example of love and strength. Julia is blessed to have you. We pray for you and your family. I wish we could be there for her service. Know that we are thinking of you.
Oh sweet Katie! I don't know if you remember me. I was in your Jerome ward. Kellsy sent me your blog address and told me I needed to get a hold of you.
Oh I wish I could literally get a hold of you! I would squeeze you and cry with you for as long as you needed!
I have PCOS also. After having Jake we tried for 4.5 yrs. We had twins at 27 weeks. Mallory was 2 lbs. 3 oz, had a heart surgery, 2 brain surgeries (has a shunt for hydrocephalus), an eye surgery and now is almost 5, has a form of autism, and she is the light of our lives!
Dawson was 2 lbs. 10 oz. and had to fight like the dickens. As of last February he had over 40 surgeries (can you believe you can lose count of such a thing), over 27 of them were brain surgeries.
Just a few months ago my sweet Dawson's little body couldn't do it anymore and he returned to our Father in Heaven. His mission was over at 3 days. He was unbelievable. He changed me completely. His life mission was meant to teach MANY. And it has! I miss him so bad I nearly can't stand it some days. Oh to feel the weight of him, hear him laugh or hear is "mama"'s (one of the only words he ever said).
I want to send you the address to my blogs:
We started thewondertwins.blogspot.com when the twins were born. It was written at first by Ryan. It gives the last almost 5 years of our lives. There is a link on the side to go back to the beginning of the twins.
Then there is: yourlifeuncommon.com That one is totally inspired by lessons I have learned from being a mother to such a child as Dawson, about who we are, the love Heavenly Father has for us, being our best selves, etc.
My heart breaks for you Katie! I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the Fiala's! What a great family you are! I love you all! I wish I could squeeze you and take the grief away. However, I know it comes, and it comes in different ways at different times and we must just go through it. When we do we learn more about our Father in Heaven than we could in any other way. I will honestly tell you that no matter how hard the last 5 years have been for us, I would GLADLY do it all again tomorrow because the lessons learned sealed me to the Lord! Hard as heck...YES, but oh so worth it!
Love you!
It was so good to see you today and those pictures you have are just so beautiful and will be so great for you to cherish always. You are so strong even if you don't feel that way right now. Thank you for letting all of us be a part of your journey in all the sadness and happiness. Love you Katie
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