They say that when God closes a door, he opens a window. Sometimes I think that when God closes a door, he makes several windows available to us and it is our job to pick the one we want and open it ourselves.
In our case, I feel that God has, at least temporarily, closed the door to us having our own children. And with the many windows available to us we have made a decision. We are going to adopt.
In fact, we began the adoption process today. This morning we met with Brother Jacobia from the LDS Family Services office here in Twin Falls. We received lots of information and a packet of forms to fill out so thick that one may think we were applying for a National Security clearance, not parenthood. Despite the overwhelming amount of information that we received, or maybe because of it, I am getting very excited about our decision to adopt.
It will be a slow process, I can see that already. First, we will need to fill out all of the paperwork including back ground checks, physicals from our doctors, letters of recommendation, and surveys. Next, we will have to complete ten hours of adoption training and have a home study done too. Then, we will write up our profile in an attempt to impress a birth mother with what wonderful people we are. Finally, we sit back and wait to be chosen. It will be a journey fraught with disappointments, setbacks, and struggle but I have a very good feeling that it will end with a happily ever after.
If you know of anyone who is thinking of placing her child in adoptive care, please let her know about us. Share our story with her and encourage her to contact us. We are at the mercy of word of mouth contacts and we are hoping for your help on the path that we have chosen.
21 May 2012
17 May 2012
Two Years
I’m a bit behind on updating about Julia’s second birthday. It’s not that I forgot – is such a thing even possible? – it’s that I am not quite sure how to say what I want to say.
I feel like I am so much different than I was two years ago. I can’t even tell you how I’m different either. More serious? Maybe. More alive? Maybe that too. And this birthday has been a strange thing to experience. It wasn’t as heart breaking as I thought it would be, and it was much more special than I anticipated.
I spent the day on a fishing field trip with my students. It was busy and hectic, which kept my mind occupied. When I was finally alone, sunburnt and tired, I had a good cry in my classroom before I went home. That evening both of our families met at the house. We went to the cemetery where we dropped off flowers, then went to the River Rock Grill for dinner. It was nice to see everyone and to spend time visiting. All in all it was a good day.
I think about Julia every single day- no exaggeration. She is on the tip of my tongue and the forefront of my thoughts in every situation at every moment. When I walk into the family room I think, “If she were here there would be toys on the floor,” and when I walk into a restaurant I think, “If she were here I would need to ask for a booster seat.” It’s always just a passing thought; it lasts no longer than a second. I’ve gotten used to it, and my mind jumps back to reality almost instantly.
I don’t cry nearly as often as I used to, other than last week it has been several months since I had a good Julia-cry. However, I doubt that I will ever stop crying completely. Sometimes that extra surge of emotion sneaks up on me when I least expect it. Strangely, it is usually at times that should be happy. Happy things make me think of Julia and then that makes me cry. Is that weird?
This all sounds so sad. I knew it probably wasn’t going to come out quite right. I’m happy. I’m very happy with everything in my life. I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I am mopey or sad all of the time. I really am not. A little bit haunted maybe, but it is a ghost that I have no desire to rid myself of. So, two years after the birth and death of my beautiful daughter, I feel that I am healing and improving every day. I’ll never forget her, but I am getting ready to move on with my life.
Hopefully there will be a blog about that in the near future!
I feel like I am so much different than I was two years ago. I can’t even tell you how I’m different either. More serious? Maybe. More alive? Maybe that too. And this birthday has been a strange thing to experience. It wasn’t as heart breaking as I thought it would be, and it was much more special than I anticipated.
I spent the day on a fishing field trip with my students. It was busy and hectic, which kept my mind occupied. When I was finally alone, sunburnt and tired, I had a good cry in my classroom before I went home. That evening both of our families met at the house. We went to the cemetery where we dropped off flowers, then went to the River Rock Grill for dinner. It was nice to see everyone and to spend time visiting. All in all it was a good day.
I think about Julia every single day- no exaggeration. She is on the tip of my tongue and the forefront of my thoughts in every situation at every moment. When I walk into the family room I think, “If she were here there would be toys on the floor,” and when I walk into a restaurant I think, “If she were here I would need to ask for a booster seat.” It’s always just a passing thought; it lasts no longer than a second. I’ve gotten used to it, and my mind jumps back to reality almost instantly.
I don’t cry nearly as often as I used to, other than last week it has been several months since I had a good Julia-cry. However, I doubt that I will ever stop crying completely. Sometimes that extra surge of emotion sneaks up on me when I least expect it. Strangely, it is usually at times that should be happy. Happy things make me think of Julia and then that makes me cry. Is that weird?
This all sounds so sad. I knew it probably wasn’t going to come out quite right. I’m happy. I’m very happy with everything in my life. I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I am mopey or sad all of the time. I really am not. A little bit haunted maybe, but it is a ghost that I have no desire to rid myself of. So, two years after the birth and death of my beautiful daughter, I feel that I am healing and improving every day. I’ll never forget her, but I am getting ready to move on with my life.
Hopefully there will be a blog about that in the near future!
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