Adoption Profile: Up and Running

Yea! It’s official!
Check us out at www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/27947516/ourMessage.jsf
Somewhere out there is a young girl who has to make a big decision. It will affect her future, the future of her baby, and our future as well. She’s not going to know there is a couple in Twin Falls, Idaho who wants to help her.
So we need to reach out to her. 
To help us find her we need your help. Here’s how you can be of most service to us:
1. Share our postcard/advertisement on Facebook and encourage your friends to share it too.
2. Copy the image of the postcard to your own blog and hyperlink the image to our adoption profile. (Please don’t link it to our personal blog.)
3. If you live outside the Magic Valley, print out copies of the postcard at your local photo shop. Then hand them out to anyone who may be able to help us. This would include doctor’s offices, family law offices, pregnancy crisis centers, community action buildings, high school counselors, et cetera.
It’s a good idea to ask permission before you hang them on business bulletin boards. Since YOUR contact info isn’t on them, it is me that will get the angry e-mail if the business owner doesn't like it.   
4. Say lots of prayers for us and our future baby’s birth mother.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your love and support of us.

Support

One of the questions we were asked yesterday during our home study was “Does your family support the idea of adoption?”

YES! Yes they do!

We have received a ton of love and support from family and friends.

Apparently, this is a big issue in the adoption community. There are people who will treat the adopted child differently or look down on them because their biological parents are not part of the family. We shall call these people Malfoys because they are like the Harry Potter characters who believe in “pure blood status”.

I am very grateful that our family and friends are not Malfoys. Everyone that I have spoken to about the adoption process has been more than helpful. We have received good advice, help with our paperwork, and lots of prayers and support.

So this is a shout out to our friends and family members: Thanks for being so awesome!

Our Adoption Process

Phew!!! We’re done with all the preliminaries!

This morning we completed the final step of the adoption preparation. We’ve done the background checks, we’ve done the employment verifications, we’ve written our letter to the birth mother, and now even the home study is complete.

The LDS Family Services representative came by today to complete the home study. I was pretty nervous. I have been cleaning and stressing for a few days now. My mom came over to do yard work, and Jake’s mom came and helped me decorate the nursery.

In the end, we failed on only one point- we didn’t have a smoke alarm in the nursery. However, he thought that everything else seemed good to go. We showed him around the house. He met the dog. He checked the fire extinguishers. He interviewed us as a couple, and he interviewed us individually. And I guess we passed!

Our profile should be up and running by this evening. 

Now we wait.

Brother Jacobia said that most adoptive couples are waiting for at least a year or two before they are chosen. BUT if we want to beat the odds, then we will need to advertise, advertise, advertise. I am going to make postcards with links to our adoption profile. These postcards will be available for downloading and printing (wherever you print your photos) sometime by the end of the week. Then these postcards can be put on bulletin boards in counseling offices, or doctor’s offices, or wherever! The more we can share our story, the better our odds will be. 

Will you help us?

Marriage

This subject has been on my mind a lot this week because of three very poignant conversations that I’ve had with friends this past month or so.

I don’t really know what I want to say right now, I just feel like I should say something. 

I guess I should start by saying that I’ve noticed that throughout all of these conversations has been one very underlying theme: Marriage is hard.

Marriage is kind of like a balancing act, with its contradicting qualities. In a marriage, you are an individual but also part of a team. You have to be strong and reliable for your spouse, but allow yourself to lean on them for strength as well. You have to be willing to bend and compromise, but you have to voice your own thoughts and your own beliefs.

I am sitting here tonight feeling inadequate as a friend. I wish I had some great words of wisdom to offer the wonderful women who have reached out to me this past month. I wish I could say just the right thing to solve all their problems, but I can’t. 

I will be celebrating my sixth wedding anniversary this weekend. I will celebrate by sleeping in, doing some exercising, going for a drive in the country, and hopefully calling my dear husband on the phone. This is not the first time that we will spend our anniversary miles and miles apart, nor will it be the last, I’m sure.  I hope that even though we are apart he knows how much I love him, how grateful I am that he is a part of my life. 

Maybe I’ll have more wisdom after my seventh year.

Road Trip around Idaho

 

I wanted to go camping over Memorial Day Weekend, but Jake didn’t.

So we compromised.

(There were wild creatures about, it was very scary.)

This last week, we did go camping for real. We left on Monday, returned on Friday, and drove from one end of the state to the other in five days, driving four to six hours almost every day. It was a lot of fun.

Actually the first night wasn’t all that much fun. We camped in the Salmon National Forest near Wallace Lake. It was a tiny little lake and we were the only ones up there.

(Isolated from the rest of the world)

It was dark, and cold, and very quiet. As the realization that we were completely alone began to sink in, so did the clouds. Within a few hours of our arrival, we found ourselves in a miniature blizzard, completely unprepared for the cold.

Jake chopping wood for the morning in a small blizzard.

By the time we got up in the morning, the snow had started to melt, but we lost no time in packing up camp as quickly as possible and getting out of there.

The next two nights we stayed in Wallace, Idaho (far away from Wallace Lake).  We stayed in an old quaint motel called the Stardust Inn, where the mattresses are uncomfortable, there is no hair dryer, and they have actual keys for getting into the rooms, but where they did have WI-fi and warm showers.

Beautiful Views of Idaho!

While we were in Wallace, we biked the Hiawatha Trail. This will be a completely separate blog because there is so much to say about this experience. It was really incredible.

(At the mouth of The Tunnel, and the beginning of the ride).

The last night we camped again, this time in McCall, Idaho.  The campground was much better than the first.  We built ourselves a nice fire, where we read our books and ate s’mores. Yummy!

Livin’ the good life!

Overall, the trip was great.  We haven’t spent that much time together in weeks, possibly even months or years. We saw some beautiful country, read some good books, had some good conversations, but we’re very glad to be back home.

The Beginnings of a New Journey

They say that when God closes a door, he opens a window. Sometimes I think that when God closes a door, he makes several windows available to us and it is our job to pick the one we want and open it ourselves.
In our case, I feel that God has, at least temporarily, closed the door to us having our own children. And with the many windows available to us we have made a decision. We are going to adopt.
In fact, we began the adoption process today. This morning we met with Brother Jacobia from the LDS Family Services office here in Twin Falls. We received lots of information and a packet of forms to fill out so thick that one may think we were applying for a National Security clearance, not parenthood. Despite the overwhelming amount of information that we received, or maybe because of it, I am getting very excited about our decision to adopt.
It will be a slow process, I can see that already. First, we will need to fill out all of the paperwork including back ground checks, physicals from our doctors, letters of recommendation, and surveys. Next, we will have to complete ten hours of adoption training and have a home study done too. Then, we will write up our profile in an attempt to impress a birth mother with what wonderful people we are. Finally, we sit back and wait to be chosen. It will be a journey fraught with disappointments, setbacks, and struggle but I have a very good feeling that it will end with a happily ever after.
If you know of anyone who is thinking of placing her child in adoptive care, please let her know about us. Share our story with her and encourage her to contact us.  We are at the mercy of word of mouth contacts and we are hoping for your help on the path that we have chosen. 

Two Years

I’m a bit behind on updating about Julia’s second birthday.  It’s not that I forgot – is such a thing even possible? – it’s that I am not quite sure how to say what I want to say.
I feel like I am so much different than I was two years ago. I can’t even tell you how I’m different either. More serious? Maybe. More alive? Maybe that too. And this birthday has been a strange thing to experience. It wasn’t as heart breaking as I thought it would be, and it was much more special than I anticipated.
I spent the day on a fishing field trip with my students. It was busy and hectic, which kept my mind occupied. When I was finally alone, sunburnt and tired, I had a good cry in my classroom before I went home. That evening both of our families met at the house. We went to the cemetery where we dropped off flowers, then went to the River Rock Grill for dinner. It was nice to see everyone and to spend time visiting. All in all it was a good day.
I think about Julia every single day- no exaggeration. She is on the tip of my tongue and the forefront of my thoughts in every situation at every moment.  When I walk into the family room I think, “If she were here there would be toys on the floor,” and when I walk into a restaurant I think, “If she were here I would need to ask for a booster seat.” It’s always just a passing thought; it lasts no longer than a second. I’ve gotten used to it, and my mind jumps back to reality almost instantly.
I don’t cry nearly as often as I used to, other than last week it has been several months since I had a good Julia-cry. However, I doubt that I will ever stop crying completely. Sometimes that extra surge of emotion sneaks up on me when I least expect it. Strangely, it is usually at times that should be happy. Happy things make me think of Julia and then that makes me cry. Is that weird?
This all sounds so sad. I knew it probably wasn’t going to come out quite right. I’m happy. I’m very happy with everything in my life. I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I am mopey or sad all of the time. I really am not. A little bit haunted maybe, but it is a ghost that I have no desire to rid myself of. So, two years after the birth and death of my beautiful daughter, I feel that I am healing and improving every day. I’ll never forget her, but I am getting ready to move on with my life.
Hopefully there will be a blog about that in the near future!

New Spring- New Life

The beginning of each season is always special.

When autumn arrives I ooh and ahh over the changing leaf colors and glory in the purchasing of school supplies.

When the first snowflakes begin to tumble from the sky, I pull out my warm gloves and scarves, crank up the heat, and sip from steaming mugs of hot cocoa.

By mid-season I am always ready for something new. No matter how mighty the snow storms, February can’t go by fast enough. And despite the yummy foods of harvest and autumn holidays, I always look forward to the novelty of winter.

The Bible and the Byrds were right- to everything there is a season!

 

Now it is time to revel in Spring. I love Spring. I love it for many reasons:

• the rain - spring rain is better than autumn rain. That is all.
• the first flowers- tulips, daffodils, and crocuses seem to pop up out of no where and wave their happy little heads around in the breeze
• the sun - where did you disappear to, O Happy Face? Welcome back!!

For any of you out there who missed it- today was a glorious day!

I got sunburnt while weeding, cleaning, and pruning my yard. It felt good to yank those big ‘ol weeds right out of the ground and then stand back and see the job completed.  (Ha, that’s not quite how it went down but it sounds better this way- so glad that Jake was home to lend muscles to my weakness!)

And as I stood, leaning on my rake, watching Jacob mow the lawn, I had a moment of great appreciation for all things spring and all things good.

In fact, I was reminded of my second favorite chapter in my number one favorite book.

The grass whispered under his body. He put his arm down, feeling the sheath of fuzz on it, and, far away, below, his toes creaking in his shoes. The wind sighed over his shelled ears. The world slipped bright over the glassy round of his eyeballs like images sparkled in a crystal sphere. Flowers were suns and fiery spots of sky strewn through the woodland. Birds flickered like skipped stones across the vast inverted pond of heaven. His breath raked over his teeth, going in ice, coming out fire. Insects shocked the air with electric clearness. Ten thousand individual hairs grew a millionth of an inch on his head. He heard the twin hearts beating in each ear, the third heart beating in his throat, the two hearts throbbing his wrists, the real heart pounding his chest. The million pores on his body opened.

I’m really alive! he thought. I never knew it before, or if I did I don’t remember.

 Dandelion Wine, Ray Bradbury c 1946

There is something about the combination of the heat of the sun, the smell of the composting earth, the sight of the baby leaves, the feel of the smooth grass, and the taste of salty sweat that always reminds me of how lucky I am to be alive! 

Have you ever had a moment like that? A moment where you suddenly realized what it meant to be alive?  Really alive?! When, like Douglas Spaulding, you want to “…feel all there is to feel” ?

Life IS Fair

I've had some thoughts floating around unorganized in my mind for a few weeks. I would like to try to express them now since there were several talks at General Conference that seemed to support my budding ideas.
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I am tired of the phrase "life is not fair". People say this to me ALL THE TIME. It is their answer to that often asked question “Why me?”. Lately I have watched several of my friends go through trials of their own. My first instinct was to tell them that life is not fair. I was sure that this would immediately solve all their problems. But it hasn’t solved mine, and I know it won’t solve theirs either.

Here is my own personal opinion. Life is perfectly fair. We may not get what we want, but not getting our own way is not the same thing as being “not fair”. Plus, Fate doesn't discriminate and only give problems to some people. Every single person on earth has problems in their life. Please email me immediately if you haven’t suffered from at least one of the following afflictions: stress, not enough money, a disability, divorce, miscarriage, infertility, job loss, death of a family member, sickness, depression, abuse, addiction, loneliness, heartbreak or troublesome family member. I am sure that at some point in our lives we all ask the question, “Why me?”.

Do you know what would be really unfair? If someone managed to get all the way through life without suffering any of these sad things-that would be unfair. Imagine going through life never attending a funeral? (It won't happen). Imagine never catching a flu bug, or disagreeing with a sibling, worrying about a loved one, or having to look for a new job?

Luckily, we are each only given the trials that we are strong enough to handle. Christ’s atonement has covered all of our heartbreaks; He suffered our pains in the Garden of Gethsemane and He knows. He knows that in our own way we will each have to suffer, but one’s suffering is not looked upon as greater or lesser than someone else’s. To Him, it is the same. And so it must be for us as well. We can not look at others and wonder why they are so much luckier than we are because we don’t know what they suffer or how it hurts them. Only Christ can know their hearts.

During the General Conference of the LDS church this weekend, at least half the speakers seemed to comment on this topic. Here are links to two of them which are my personal favorites:

President Henry B. Eyring

Elder Ronald A. Rasband

So here is my challenge to myself. I am going to try to stop asking that “Why me?” question. I have a lot of good things going for me (good family, good husband, good job)-it wouldn't be fair to not have a few problems too.

There is a poem that I use during my poetry unit every year that comes to mind. So, to close with a quote from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s The Rainy Day:

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;

Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;

thy fate is the common fate of all,

Into each life some rain must fall,

Some days must be dark and dreary.

Jake’s News!

Take a close look at these pictures:


Notice anything different between them?
Well, in the first picture Jake is a Staff Sergeant and in the next he is a Sergeant First Class! That’s right! He got a promotion! I am so proud of him. He works hard to make sure that the job gets done right, and I’m not the only one that has noticed. He definitely earned that praise.
His promotion has earned him not just an extra rocker on his rank patch, but also a lot of extra responsibility and status. His new official title is Battalion S4 NCOIC (Non Commissioned Officer In Charge) of the 1-148th Field Artillery. This pretty much means that his is the Senior Supply Guy who is in charge of all the other supply guys in the Field Artillery Battalion.  He is working mainly out of Pocatello now, which means a lot of commuting back and forth and sleeping in his office, but I think that once we establish a routine and he becomes familiar with his new duties he is really going to love his job.
I’m proud of you Sweetheart! I love you! xxoo