Who’s Really in Charge Here?

It’s been over a month since I blogged about my infertility. However, it has not been far from my mind. Very much the opposite, in fact.  I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been approaching the whole. . . situation, for lack of a better word, incorrectly.

On the one hand, I am trying to convince myself that I am acting in faith. I tell myself that when the Lord says that it is time for me to be a mother, then I will be. But then I turn right around and I stress about the statistics of success rates and I worry about what the doctors are going to do or say. 

Who am I really putting my faith in: my Heavenly Father or the doctors?

So here is the deal. The NEW deal. We are going to go back up to the doctors in the next few weeks, and we are going to do the implantation of the two embryos in crypto preservation. However, I am NOT going to stress about whether or not it works. I am NOT going to jump online every ten minutes to read about what “experts” have to say about IVF. I am NOT going to hype myself up about being pregnant or worry about losing the embryos.

Why? Because it does not matter how many blogs I read, or websites I look at, if the Lord says, “No, this is not your time” than there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I can do about it. If the Lord decides to say, “Yep, here’s your baby” it won’t be because I googled “IVF success rates” or decided to cross my legs in just the right way.  It doesn’t work like that. Life doesn’t work like that.  I have to back off and trust that this is what the Lord wants for me.  I will go to these doctors because they are successful, intelligent people. I will listen to their advice, and take the medicines that they recommend. And then I will sit back and say, “I have done all that I can do, and the rest is up to You.”