Chapter 3: Prayers

Many wonderful people have told me that they are praying for me and for my family.  For this, I thank you.  On difficult days we have felt a strength beyond our own, a strength which could have only come as a result of all those prayers.  I have a strong testimony of the power of prayer and I am very grateful for that communication with our Heavenly Father.

Lately I have been pondering prayer.  The more I have heard people tell me they are praying for me, the more I have begun to wonder what they mean by this.  Some people are specific and tell me that they are praying for a miracle.  This, too, raises questions.   I want to share my questions with you, not because I need answers, but because I have found that by putting pen to paper – fingers to keyboard—I am able to better clear my mind and organize my thoughts.  If the following seems like random disjointed ramblings please forgive me.

First of all, what is a miracle? When people pray for a miracle will they be disappointed when our little one is not born perfect? A miracle could be anything from a miscarriage and an early release from this long ordeal to every day that I get to carry my little girl with me. Should I consider it a miracle when we get one full day, one week, or one year with our little one? Or does it have to be “the whole enchilada,” a happy, perfect baby?  I too am praying for a miracle, but I can’t help wondering what that really means.  

My second question is is it right to pray for a miracle, or is that selfishness? Sometimes when I think of miracles I wonder if I have the right to even ask for a miracle.  In the New Testament Christ raises the daughter of a Pharisee from the dead.  Christ did not call the Pharisee and his wife selfish in their desires, yet sometimes I feel selfish in mine. If the Lord has a plan for each of us, do I have the right to ask Him to allow me more time with my little girl, to care for her and to raise her?  Would He change his plans for my sake? Would answering my prayers be thwarting a bigger plan that I am not able to comprehend? Who am I to ask God to change His mind?

That brings me to the last question: what if I don’t pray for a miracle and I am supposed to? Christ gave sight to the blind, fed the multitudes on naught but fish and bread and even raised the dead. He can perform miracles, but He does not do it arbitrarily.  In the Old Testament Abraham was promised that his seed would be as numberless as the sands of the sea.  However, his faithful wife Sarah was barren and unable to bear children.  They were heartbroken and prayed faithfully for a child.  I am sure, from my own experience, that Sarah prayed in her heart every minute of every day to have a child.  They never gave up hope and I am sure that when their prayers were answered they were overjoyed!  The Lord kept his promise to Abraham but Abraham also exercised much faith in the Lord by never giving up his prayers.  We are instructed “ask and ye shall receive.”  Does this mean that if I don’t ask, then I won’t receive?  What kind of a mother would I be if I did not exercise every particle of my being in pleading for this little life?  At what point do I say, “Thy will be done”?

Part of me already knows the answers. They are probably a combination of all things;  plead for a complete miracle but be willing to accept whatever I am given, etc. But as I live this trial everyday I mostly plead for strength: the strength to get out of bed, the strength to go to school, the strength to be a support unto my family and friends.  Whatever answers you may have for the questions I have been pondering please remember to never stop praying. God, our Eternal Father, hears all prayers and answers all prayers in one way or another, of this I am sure.